I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Someone came in the potted fern
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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