Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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