Don't make out with my wife yet
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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