Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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