It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
