I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
