No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
high people should be assigned attendants
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
