He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
