then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
