Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
