Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
tonight lets celebrate not being married
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
