Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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