I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
