My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Drake has all the answers
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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