Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
