I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
