Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
