im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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