Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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