im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize