You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
