Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week