Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!