2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.