I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.