I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
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And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity