I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out