Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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