Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
