Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize