He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
