I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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