After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
