lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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