how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
