I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
