I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize