Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
