You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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