You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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