mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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