I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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