guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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