If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
