Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
