i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
