So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
