Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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