After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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