hotel room ftw
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
