It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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