Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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