..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
