you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
