you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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