If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
