i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
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If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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