She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
