i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is Oprah even human
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
