Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
