you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
