Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
