I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
