so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
