Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
