escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
