plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
