i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize