his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
