Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
