I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
