Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
