It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
