Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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