you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
