oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
