Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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