booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
