Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
