I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
