how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
