Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
