shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
