just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
