covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
