He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize